A pint o' the ol' Guinness

So, let's deal with the elephant in the room first. Irish people drink. A lot.

I was sitting in a pub a few weeks ago with a guy I know. Let's call him Dave, because that is his name. Now, Dave and I were on our sixth pint of the evening, total (two for me, four for him) when I asked him what his plans were for the following day. He answered that he had to get up early to get a train somewhere. When I asked him if it was wise to be out drinking the night before getting a 7:00 A.M. train, he said:

"But, uh, I'm not drinking."

I stared at him. Then I stared at the empty pint glasses on the table. Then I stared at him again.

"What, this?" He said, almost offended. "This isn't drinking. This is just having a pint or two."

"Or four," I said.

"Or five. Whatever. Not drinking."

True enough. After a few weeks in this country I have discovered that there such a thing as an Irish Drinking Threshold--a minimum amount of alcohol that must be consumed before one can be considered to be "drinking". Less than that, and you're not drinking at all. This is interesting because I can get to the point where I start stumbling and making a fool of myself with an amount of beer that, by this logic, would be nonexistent.

It makes sense, though. The pub is the centre of social life in Ireland, and alcohol is the cure for everything. In a good mood? Go to the pub and have a pint with some friends. Depressed? Go to the pub and drink by yourself. New in town? Go to the pub and make some friends.

Obviously, this is not without its problems. Ireland has a serious alcoholism situation. One look at this page should be enough to get a good idea of the way booze is harming the country. Or better yet, take a bus heading downtown after 11:00 P.M. and count the amount of people who are singing songs they don't know as loudly as possible.

But really, what can you do? The foundation of modern Irish culture is held up by pillars of empty beer bottles. Asking Ireland to stop drinking is like asking Colombia to stop having coffee. It just can't be done. For better or for worse, alcohol is a part of Irish life. The only solution I can think of is the one that's already in use: reframe the problem. In order to be an alcoholic you need to drink first, and this? Nah, this is just having a pint or two.